Why do some die and some live?

A lot of cancer survivors ask themselves or even their pastor, therapist, or doctor; “why was I spared? Why did I live when others just like me die?”  I asked the same question, wanting to know why I was spared when my mother in law died of her cancer while I was fighting my own at the time going through chemo.  My mother-in-law was a good woman, she had a huge heart, loved God, a devote Christian, she saw the good in people, rarely cursed and was just a good person.  I too am a Christian but a very flawed one, and when I compare myself to her I consider her to have been a much better person and Christian.  So other than the obvious reason that I am younger and have 2 small children to raise who need me, why was I spared?  Well I may never really know the reason why until I am able to ask God myself, but I “know” what my heart and soul tell me, what I believe with all of my body, what the Holy Spirit put on my heart the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer. 

God has a plan to use my journey with cancer for good, for His glory and to help others. 

I have struggled with this since I was diagnosed in 2011, as much as I want to give 100% of myself to the task God has given me I am also going through treatments, surgeries, recovery, side effects and tests for my own battle with cancer.  Not to mention I have a family, I am a wife, mother, daughter, friend and I am trying to maintain my life and my health.  This isn’t easy for someone who is stage 4 metastatic with two kids in elementary school and a husband in retail. 

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus returns." (Philippians 1:6)

This verse helps to get me through especially when I am struggling with my survival guilt and questioning why was I spared. 

We shouldn't get caught up and dwell on the why we are spared from whatever tragedy we survive.  I know it is common to question, but we really shouldn't waste time on this.  Enjoy the fact that you are still alive and move on with your mission in life.  There is a reason why some die and others live, and we may not know that reason until we meet them in heaven.  Find your purpose, find your "why" you were spared, there is obviously something you are meant to do that hasn't been accomplished yet.  Share your story, share your struggle, there are those out there in the world who will be touched by it, who will be comforted by it.  As survivors our duty is to share our story for those who aren't able to, we share ours and offer the hope, strength, and truth.

The Cancer Cutie Cookbook

So Excited!!!!  It's available now, and worldwide next week!!!!!  YES!!!  Something good and positive is coming out of my 4 year battle with stupid cancer!!!!  I wish I looked like my cancer cutie on the front cover of this book, but that's ok!  I'm alive and I have kicked cancer's butt twice into submission, and I fight every day to keep it that way with God's help and grace. 

I am very thankful for my cancer, because without it I may not have come back to my walk with the Lord, I most likely would not have decided to get a masters degree in Christian Ministry, I would certainly not have written an inspirational and helpful cookbook for women battling this awful disease, or have taken a passion in working with cancer support services and ministry.

God is Good, and this message often gets lost when we are in the middle of a storm in life.  But Christ is with us, and we have the power to choose to see the positive or the hope in a bad situation.  Good things happen all around us every single day, even if it is nothing more than waking up alive for another day.  Chose to take pleasure in hearing the birds outside, children laughing, the sun shining, find something funny, something good. 

My goal with this book was to spread the word to my fellow cancer patients and survivors that you are not alone, you can survive, there are tools to help you, God is with you, and lastly that as a woman dealing with cancer you are a fellow sister in our female cancer society we are in this together and we support and love each other through and through.

Please share this link, the book will be available on Kindle in 48 hours, and on Amazon world wide in 3-5 business days, then hopefully it will start showing up at your local book stores.  You can contact me to talk about having it available for chemo and cancer centers in your area.  :) 
xoxoxoxoxoxox Kat

https://www.createspace.com/5312118   Buy your copy of The Cancer Cutie Cookbook here

Riding the Cancer Roller Coaster with God on my side

Riding the Cancer Roller Coaster with God on my side

As a cancer patient myself since 2011 I have had the typical cancer treatments, chemo, radiation, surgery, more chemo and radiation, adverse reactions to chemo meds, adverse reactions from surgical wash and glue, popped stitches, biopsies, pain management, horrible blistering, incapacitating nausea, abdominal and intestinal cramping, hair loss, blinding fatigue, pain, all the fun issues associated with cancer treatments.  But through it all God's grace carried me through it, I have NO doubt.

Cancer is a roller coaster, like life it has it's ups and downs, it's good days and bad, but when you are the patient who is on this ride, the ups and downs are far more extreme than regular life ups and downs.  A cancer patient straps in, buckles up, holds on tight and even some scream on this ride, it is scary as heck, there are dark tunnels and curves and hills and if you are lucky you have a big crowd cheering you on.  Most say a prayer waiting to shoot out of the gate, some pray the whole way through the ride, and most are so relieved when it is over and they are still alive they can barely walk away from the coaster.  Those of us who are like me, metastatic feel like this ride lasts forever, because it is.

  I can never get off the cancer coaster because I can never be cured, I will never again be declared "cancer free" unless it is by miracle and our detection machinery has become more advanced and accurate, but for now I cannot.  I have to change my "normal".  Luckily I am in remission for the 2nd time, but the 1st being stage 4 metastatic.  What that means in my case is that I am living with a deadly disease, although my counts are low and in some cases so low it counts as non-existent.  The best comparison my doctors like to give is that of a diabetic who has complications.  They can live for a long time with their disease, as long as they take necessary precautions, medication, are closely monitored by their medical team and take their condition seriously.  Same thing here for me.  However, I have a couple other things up my sleeve that allow me to stand out from the norm.  I am a Christian, I have faith that God will see me through this, and that I can be used to bring help to others and glory to Him.  I am good at being obstinate and stubborn, dare I say "Brat"  ok I really want to say the other word, but I'm trying to reduce my swearing.  Cancer is a brat, no way around it, cancer treatment is no picnic, no way around it, I am really good at being a brat, no way around it in this case.  I'm a tough cookie, a fighter and I have taken that trait and focus it on the battle in my body with this cancer.  I will not be defeated, I have children to live for, and I will play dirty with the cancer if I have to, this is serious war and I'm not here to play around. 

I have relied on my faith, bible verses, and counseling while on this roller coaster.  There have been times where I asked God to hold my hand as I squeeze my eyes shut and hang on tight while the world goes upside down for a minute.  I have cried begging that He not make me go through this anymore, I want the ride to stop and let me get off.  I have also glowed in pride that I made it through with God beside me even though I was scared to death and never want to go on the ride again, I made it through without peeing in my pants from fear! 

The cancer coaster can seem very isolating, like you are the only passenger in the car.  But you aren't, there are plenty, too many people who are going through a similar if not same roller coaster as you, and that offers some comfort.  There is also the fact that you aren't alone because you have Jesus, and this offers comfort as well, but as much as you "know" these things in your head, it's normal to still feel this way in your heart at times because it is happening to YOU in YOUR BODY and there is no way around that.  Cancer affects everyone around you in your inner circle, whether you want it to or not, some ride the coaster with you, others are cheering for you in the crowd, and some may even be waiting for you while they wait in line to go on another ride. 

There were plenty of times where I visualized myself curled up in God's hands or with an angel completely surrounding me with big beautiful white wings protecting me.  I even got a tattoo of angel wings on my left shoulder, not to symbolize my angel wings but to remind me that I have an angel who has my back.  I also have a cross with a pink breast cancer ribbon entwined to remind me I am covered in faith and with God all things are possible.  Sure I still get scared, and stressed that my cancer might return, or that I could take a turn for the worse, but deep in my heart I know I am carried by grace, and God won't let me down, He is carrying me whether I can see or feel Him doing it. 

Yummy Turkey Roll-up

I always craved fresh cold turkey sandwiches after my chemo rounds, which lasted for 5 hours every 3 weeks.  I don't know why, I just did so it was routine after almost every chemo day I would have a cold turkey sandwich and this roll-up was a tasty go-to. 

Turkey Roll-Up with Cranberry- Orange Relish

Serves: 1

Prep time: 15 minutes

Ingredients

½ Unpeeled orange, seeded and halved

½ Unpeeled apple, seeded and halved

1 (16oz) Can whole cranberry sauce

1 (8-inch) Whole wheat or spinach tortilla

2 Leaves romaine or iceberg lettuce

2 Large slices of roasted turkey breast or rotisserie chicken breast

 

Preparation

1.  In a food processor, pulse the orange until coarsely chopped, add the apple and pulse until both are finely chopped, transfer to a bowl and add cranberry sauce, stirring well to combine.
2. Spread ¼ cup of the cranberry mixture over tortilla, layer the turkey and lettuce on half of the tortilla, roll up jellyroll style, beginning with the meat side, slice into 2-inch pieces.

 

*I craved turkey sandwhiches after my chemo treatments, this roll-up was a nice change to traditional turkey sandwhiches.  (Kat, Breast Cancer, Riverside, CA)

Thanksgiving 2014

How weird is it that I can honestly say that I am grateful for my cancer happening to me in 2011.  If I had not been afflicted with breast cancer almost 4 years ago I would not be the woman I am today.  Well that's not quite right, I haven't changed not really, but my priorities, my passions, my focus and my choices have changed.  And I am grateful for it. 

I started going back to church, back to being a good person, started a non-profit to help other fellow sisters with cancer, and I take my health more seriously now and I cherish my family and children more then ever.

www.thrivecancer.org

Now while I may be grateful for the positive changes that my cancer brought about, let me just say CANCER SUCKS!!!  SUCKS!!  SUCKS!!  SUCKS!!

Cancer and cancer treatments are not for the weak, the chemo kicks your butt, the radiation kicks your butt, surgery kicks your butt.  But the key is to keep yourself kicking and kicking cancers butt.  As hard as it was at times I would summon the courage and fight and start cussing it out and convincing the cancer that I was in control and the victor helped to convince me too.  When my back is against the wall I am the biggest momma bear b**ch there is.  And every once in a while I have to put myself in the corner to get that fight and strength to continue my fight against the breast cancer that is inside.  DNA and mutant genes are so weird and there is not enough  research and knowledge to know what exactly triggers cancer.  As a stage 4 metastatic survivor that the oncologist says can never be totally cured, it's hard not to feel like the cancer is waiting inside.  I for one try to do my best to not let it gain any strength and keep my body strong and healthy so I can fight off this cancer and keep it gone.